Tag questions can be used very successfully as a way of gaining deeper levels of rapport with people around you. The more nods or yeses you get from a person the more they will be trusting of you and open to your ideas. You should take notice that embedded commands and tag questions work beautifully together. With all the examples below you can see at least one embedded command. If done properly the person receives the command unconsciously and then immediately agrees to the command without knowing. Oh the beauty of NLP and Hypnosis in influence!
Remember, however, this is a collaborative effort and any additional examples you can offer would be greatly appreciated. Leave a comment with any suggestions if you're up to the challenge.
Examples.
You can watch a film and be completely drawn in by the main person (subtly point to self), can't you?
I love how easy it is to connect with someone, don't you?
You're really good at building rapport with someone you hardly know, aren't you?
You know how it feels when you and the other person (point to self) just click, don't you?
I love the feeling of being relaxed but highly focused on something important (point to self), don't you?
It's strange, I never really noticed how easy it is to build rapport with a complete stranger, haven't you?
As ever, leave any suggestions you'd like me to include in the comments box below.
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Showing posts with label Rapport. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Rapport. Show all posts
Thursday, November 19, 2009
Monday, November 16, 2009
Using NLP and Hypnosis to Build Rapport: Mirroring
Rapport is a remarkably simple process. Despite this many people still get it wrong and for those who get it right the rewards can be life changing.
The truth of the matter is we are drawn to people who are either similar to ourselves or who we consider to be very charismatic. We feel comfortable around what we know, so if someone is reflecting back to us behaviours we ordinarily use we will unconsciously feel far more comfortable around them. Have you ever noticed how close friends talk the same way with the same inflections and word usage? Even stranger, there is a phenomenon called 'synchronous menstruation' where menstruation cycles of women who live together long enough tend to change. I personally know a girl who lived with 4 other girls during university who experienced this.
The trick, with building rapport, is to copy, as subtly as possible, the rhythms of behaviours another person displays. As the person leans back in their seat you lean back a few seconds later, as they pick up their drink you pick up your drink, and then watch as they follow as you lean in. If you think you will get caught out then think again. You do it all the time with the people you are close to, the difference here is that you can now create a far more relaxing situation with those you don't know. Also, I've practiced this for years and have had nothing but success. I should add a little tip, one of the most effective ways to build rapport very quickly is to match their speech patterns. Speak at the rate they speak and they will feel more comfortable with you.
Before you start mirroring you must ask yourself 'what is it I want from this situation'? I look around me and see nothing but a sea of overweight, miserable, lazy adults. These are people who have rarely, if ever, asked themselves that question and as a consequence they float through life in no real direction bouncing off the very obstacles and frustrations they have created for themselves.
Why do you ask yourself what you want? Well, how can your unconscious/conscious mind know where to take you otherwise? Have you ever walked a familiar route only to realise that you can't remember making the journey because you've been day dreaming the entire way? Well my question to you is who took you there safely if you weren't paying attention? The answer, of course, is your unconscious. What else could it be? Why did it take you there safely? Because, in reality, your subconscious is there to help in anyway it is physically capable. It regulates your heart beat, temperature, and even shuts your eyes for you when a fly is about to bang into them before you're even aware of what is going on. So to go anywhere in life you must know the destination first.
How is this relevant to rapport? Well how will you know how to approach a social situation if you don't know what you want from it? If you want to build rapport with someone, a love interest for example, then it goes without saying that you should mirror them. If you want to be seen as a leader amongst the group, and trust me when I say there isn't one situation where there isn't a 'leader' of some sort, then naturally you will attempt to build rapport with the leader. But to be honest, all of this is much of a muchness. Building rapport is easy; very easy in fact. The overall goal of mirroring, however, isn't to just build rapport, but to lead.
My question to you is this (and disregard the slightly cheesy aspect of it), if Brad Pitt began speaking to you and a group of others what would happen? Would they recoil in disgust? Would they ignore him? Or would they be compelled to seek his approval and begin mirroring him? Of course there are other possibilities but I'm guessing the last would be the response from the majority of people. So good old Brad wouldn't have to move a finger and he'd have people clamouring to follow him. So if Brad can do it why not you?
With that let's shift, for a while, or forever, our frame of mind. You might be saying 'yeah but Brad Pitt's rich and good looking and I'm not, so how can I do that'?! It's surprisingly straight forward actually! The feelings we experience minute by minute are rarely a choice. Every single thing around us carries some form of emotional/psychological weight for the individual. No matter how bland the object it will still have some effect on us. The same exists for the behaviours we see displayed by other people. If there is someone we feel strongly about we will often tie in some of our feelings to their mannerisms and find ourselves feeling similarly to people who display the same mannerisms. So let's take Brad again. Look at his mannerisms. Don't you think his many millions of admirers won't have tied some of their emotions for him to some of his mannerisms? You'd better believe they will have.
So the trick is this to find out what it is you want from the situation. Once you know, discover the behaviour you need to display in order to achieve that goal and do it. Be flexible! If it doesn't work, try something else. Behavioural flexibility is key. Confidence in displaying those behaviours is also important.
Apart from what I've already mentioned I would like you to remember one more thing.
In any given context be aware of how people are responding to you. Don't be so unaware of how you come across that people see you as an ass. No one likes smugness or arrogance. Always be warm with people when you feel they deserve it and when your attention is else where they'll crave that warmth again. In the same vain, you must have the mindset that no one is important enough, except for your family, to demand all your attention all the time. No one! The more attention you give a person the more available you will appear and the less value you will give yourself. Diamonds are expensive because they are rare. The boyfriend who is always hanging around and sucking up to the girl is the one who is too available and underappreciated sadly.
This is true for any relationship you have outside of your family. Be the one whose time is rare and see how needed you are.
Next Post
The truth of the matter is we are drawn to people who are either similar to ourselves or who we consider to be very charismatic. We feel comfortable around what we know, so if someone is reflecting back to us behaviours we ordinarily use we will unconsciously feel far more comfortable around them. Have you ever noticed how close friends talk the same way with the same inflections and word usage? Even stranger, there is a phenomenon called 'synchronous menstruation' where menstruation cycles of women who live together long enough tend to change. I personally know a girl who lived with 4 other girls during university who experienced this.
The trick, with building rapport, is to copy, as subtly as possible, the rhythms of behaviours another person displays. As the person leans back in their seat you lean back a few seconds later, as they pick up their drink you pick up your drink, and then watch as they follow as you lean in. If you think you will get caught out then think again. You do it all the time with the people you are close to, the difference here is that you can now create a far more relaxing situation with those you don't know. Also, I've practiced this for years and have had nothing but success. I should add a little tip, one of the most effective ways to build rapport very quickly is to match their speech patterns. Speak at the rate they speak and they will feel more comfortable with you.
Before you start mirroring you must ask yourself 'what is it I want from this situation'? I look around me and see nothing but a sea of overweight, miserable, lazy adults. These are people who have rarely, if ever, asked themselves that question and as a consequence they float through life in no real direction bouncing off the very obstacles and frustrations they have created for themselves.
Why do you ask yourself what you want? Well, how can your unconscious/conscious mind know where to take you otherwise? Have you ever walked a familiar route only to realise that you can't remember making the journey because you've been day dreaming the entire way? Well my question to you is who took you there safely if you weren't paying attention? The answer, of course, is your unconscious. What else could it be? Why did it take you there safely? Because, in reality, your subconscious is there to help in anyway it is physically capable. It regulates your heart beat, temperature, and even shuts your eyes for you when a fly is about to bang into them before you're even aware of what is going on. So to go anywhere in life you must know the destination first.
How is this relevant to rapport? Well how will you know how to approach a social situation if you don't know what you want from it? If you want to build rapport with someone, a love interest for example, then it goes without saying that you should mirror them. If you want to be seen as a leader amongst the group, and trust me when I say there isn't one situation where there isn't a 'leader' of some sort, then naturally you will attempt to build rapport with the leader. But to be honest, all of this is much of a muchness. Building rapport is easy; very easy in fact. The overall goal of mirroring, however, isn't to just build rapport, but to lead.
My question to you is this (and disregard the slightly cheesy aspect of it), if Brad Pitt began speaking to you and a group of others what would happen? Would they recoil in disgust? Would they ignore him? Or would they be compelled to seek his approval and begin mirroring him? Of course there are other possibilities but I'm guessing the last would be the response from the majority of people. So good old Brad wouldn't have to move a finger and he'd have people clamouring to follow him. So if Brad can do it why not you?
With that let's shift, for a while, or forever, our frame of mind. You might be saying 'yeah but Brad Pitt's rich and good looking and I'm not, so how can I do that'?! It's surprisingly straight forward actually! The feelings we experience minute by minute are rarely a choice. Every single thing around us carries some form of emotional/psychological weight for the individual. No matter how bland the object it will still have some effect on us. The same exists for the behaviours we see displayed by other people. If there is someone we feel strongly about we will often tie in some of our feelings to their mannerisms and find ourselves feeling similarly to people who display the same mannerisms. So let's take Brad again. Look at his mannerisms. Don't you think his many millions of admirers won't have tied some of their emotions for him to some of his mannerisms? You'd better believe they will have.
So the trick is this to find out what it is you want from the situation. Once you know, discover the behaviour you need to display in order to achieve that goal and do it. Be flexible! If it doesn't work, try something else. Behavioural flexibility is key. Confidence in displaying those behaviours is also important.
Apart from what I've already mentioned I would like you to remember one more thing.
In any given context be aware of how people are responding to you. Don't be so unaware of how you come across that people see you as an ass. No one likes smugness or arrogance. Always be warm with people when you feel they deserve it and when your attention is else where they'll crave that warmth again. In the same vain, you must have the mindset that no one is important enough, except for your family, to demand all your attention all the time. No one! The more attention you give a person the more available you will appear and the less value you will give yourself. Diamonds are expensive because they are rare. The boyfriend who is always hanging around and sucking up to the girl is the one who is too available and underappreciated sadly.
This is true for any relationship you have outside of your family. Be the one whose time is rare and see how needed you are.
Next Post
Using NLP and Hypnosis to Build Rapport: Embedded Commands
Have you ever wondered how you can easily create that deep feeling of rapport in others using hypnosis? If you haven't you're in for a treat. As you read my last post teaching how to embed commands you'll very quickly become aware of all the wonderful ways embedded commands can help improve almost all aspects of your life. Below are some examples of emdedded comands to help build rapport in others.
Practice, Practice, and Practice some more and then come and tell me how you got on.
BUILDING RAPPORT
Have you ever noticed how you can easily…feel comfortable…with certain people?
My old professor told me that people...become synchronised…with each other as they begin to…feel deep rapport.
I used to find it difficult to…trust people (point to self)…until I began to…feel familiarity… around them.
Multiple Embedded Commands
I was reading an interesting book that said when people…feel deep rapport…they tend to…feel very relaxed…and they…pay full attention…to what the other is saying.
When I met X a couple of years it was a very strange experience because until then I didn’t know how to…be truly fixated…in a conversation. We hit it off straight away and as we spoke I was able to…feel very at ease… I knew that it was ok to… be trusting…towards him and I was able to… free freely expressive…and although it was a new friendship a part of me was saying…'We’ll make great friends'.
Please email me if you have any other suggestions I could add to this post.
Next Post
Practice, Practice, and Practice some more and then come and tell me how you got on.
BUILDING RAPPORT
Have you ever noticed how you can easily…feel comfortable…with certain people?
My old professor told me that people...become synchronised…with each other as they begin to…feel deep rapport.
I used to find it difficult to…trust people (point to self)…until I began to…feel familiarity… around them.
Multiple Embedded Commands
I was reading an interesting book that said when people…feel deep rapport…they tend to…feel very relaxed…and they…pay full attention…to what the other is saying.
When I met X a couple of years it was a very strange experience because until then I didn’t know how to…be truly fixated…in a conversation. We hit it off straight away and as we spoke I was able to…feel very at ease… I knew that it was ok to… be trusting…towards him and I was able to… free freely expressive…and although it was a new friendship a part of me was saying…'We’ll make great friends'.
Please email me if you have any other suggestions I could add to this post.
Next Post
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